I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
