dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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