Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
