Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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