He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
