Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
