This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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