he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
