you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
