can u get pink eye on your cock?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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