i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
