you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
