i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
