I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
