Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
