pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
