toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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