i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We left an ass print on the piano.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
