Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
