Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
