I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
