She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
