so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
