is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
