he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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