Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
