Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
