Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
