yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My pussy is not your playground.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
