i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My vagina is officially offended.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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