Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
