her vagine was all disorganized.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
