You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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