Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
