Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
