there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hippo gnu deer
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
