Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is Oprah even human
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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