It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
