remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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