Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
