It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And then he peed in my hair
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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