remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
