Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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