can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
