Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
