Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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