My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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