im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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