i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
