It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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