my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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