she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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