After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
