I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
