I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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