Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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