allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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