i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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