Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
