I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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