meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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