I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
