I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
