I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
