i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize