So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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