He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
