Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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